It's a shame about Blackpool. Granada Reports was running a very unhelpful story last night about how upset all the residents were. Mandy and I decided to show what a simple brainstorming session can do to help. These are our suggestions as to what Blackpool should consider for their future:

 

This report on the Jersey care home probe got me thinking about a very disturbing question:

 

How do you go about training a dog to detect remains through concrete?

 

 

 

It's a fact in life that you can used to things and learn to live with them. For the past two years I've learned to live with the fact that I haven't finished editing my brother's wedding video. He got married in 2005 and despite being presented with a half finished version of it in 2006, he for some reason, was quite agitated about not having the complete thing.

 

Well I'm just burning his second copy on DVD now. Finally, another task complete. Another weight lifted.

 

And it's quite good actually. I showed a bit of talent and made the best of the poor light conditions and shakey 2nd unit director :P I planned the whole wedding out and knew about filming people's entrances and exits into each 'scene'. Knew that I needed to film some cutaways. And knew that I was always going to have an end credit sequence akin to 'The Office'.

 

I know it's going to be appreciated but no one (apart from the missus) knows quite how much effort went into it.

 

Hmm, I had a dream last night that I hadn't planned for my 1-2-1, and my new boss Ben Miller was a bit angry. At least some of my colleagues got bollocked by him as well. Sadly none of them got eaten by dinosaurs.

 

(I do actually have a 1-2-1 on Friday. Best get preparing for it.)

DIY can be an absolute pain. You run out of bits, or you don't have the right tool, or the pressure on the central heating pipes is that bit higher than you thought before you cut the pipe.

 

Fitting kitchens has all your favourite bits of DIY in one package. There's cutting worksurface. Okay in ours cos there's no corners to be fitted but still needs noggins taking out. There's plumbing. There's tiling. The easiest bit my far is putting together the cabinets which cost up to £100 each but have all the build quality of a cheap table from Ikea. Kitchens are not solid objects until they're forced into submission by a ton of worksurface.

 

Fitting instructions are the greatest piece of disinformation since the code breakers at Bletchley Park did their stuff after cracking Enigma. They are not intended to be read by anyone putting a kitchen together. Homebase know this and think they can charge £15 for the 'Real' fitting instructions. After spending half an hour staring at a cabinet end panel, wondering how on earth it's going to fit, I think they may have found another sucker.

It's a bit of an anxious time to be honest. If living in an episode of Jeremy Kyle isn't quite bad enough, we're waiting for my brother and his wife to have their baby. This has been a lonnnngg pregnancy if you know what I mean. It's not likely to get any calmer after the baby arrives but I'm still kinda looking forward to it. After all, it will be another cousin for Emily to play with / steal toys from.

 

Mandy's ferrying them to the hospital tomorrow and it really goes to show that without a car, things become a struggle. I'm not sure they have a plan yet for getting to the hospital when my brother's wife goes into labour. Maybe I'm just not giving them enough credit.